A middle-aged man, with thinning hair and a growing paunch, has spent his entire life compiling a book titled: Shit! What Do I Say? The book is an exhaustive compendium of the things people might say to you, paired with your ideal response. He delights audiences, as he responds to the probings of interviewers solely by referencing the book. He takes the book with him everywhere he goes and finds it difficult, after so many years of laborious effort, to speak outside its context. He meets one of his fans, a linguist studying discourse analysis, and they fall in love. But the book seems to be leading him, with its sinister answers to her innocuous questions, to break off the relationship. She leaves him, and the book seems satisfied. In a fit of rage, he pitches the book into the flames. But she is already gone, and he cannot find the words to call her back.